Hello everyone! Well, it has been a LONG time since my last post. I am sorry about not being more consistent with my "blogging." I have A TON of stuff to tell whoever is reading this. Hopefully my best friends in the world are reading this right now. I must confess something-I am so NERVOUS about writing this blog entry. Why? You ask. Well, it is because all of what I am going to write about comes from my heart.
Last Thursday, I was having coffee with one of my best friends. We started talking about going to this fellowship our small group was having last Friday. I confessed to my friend that I was nervous about going. The reason is because I get nervous around people I don't know very well. I am afraid they will judge me, not like me, not find me interesting, think I am stupid, think I am "too loud," etc. So I just put up a BIG wall and go into my shell. I know that a lot of you are suprised by this since I appear so outgoing but let me tell you I DO have a shy side! Anyways, I did A LOT of crying that day. The funny thing is I felt SO MUCH better about getting those insecurities of mine out. Just to let you know, I DID go to that fellowship and had a wonderful time and made some new friends.
Well, fast forward a couple of days to Sunday. I was at church and this woman sang a BEAUTIFUL solo. I bawled my eyes out as she sang due to the song being so moving and God beginning to stir my heart. I was also touched by Pastor Steve's sermon. Later on that day I began to realize that many of the insecurities that I was feeling about going to church, meeting new people, etc. were straight from Satan. I even had insecurities about my own marriage! How crazy is that!! I will be the first to admit that I have fallen away from God. I cannot tell you how long I have been away from him. I know that God loves me and has blessed me with so much more than I deserve. The thing is Satan has used my insecurities to keep me from God. As I type this, it is kind of hard to express myself because a lot of what I have been feeling has been going on in my head. The main thing I am working on is my relationship with God. I have to realize that it DOESN'T matter what other people think about me. The most important thing in the world to me is that GOD LOVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY!!!! Do you know how wonderful that is? No matter how many times I mess up or fall on my face, HE is there to pick me up and say "keep going Dana, you can do it." When the world tells me I am ugly, HE is there telling me "my child YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!" That is all I need. It doesn't matter how many friends I have, as long as God is on my side I can't loose.
Many of you might be asking "what does Lee think about all of this?" Lee supports me 110%!!! He has stuff that he needs to work on too but we are in this life TOGETHER! God has truly blessed me with a WONDERFUL husband. We truly want our marriage and our home to be God centered. We want to raise Jamie to know the Lord and how much Jesus loves him.
I know that Satan wants me to fail. He wants me to go back to being lukewarm. He wants me to continue feeling insecure about myself. Well, like another one of my friends said today in her blog, I am going to say to Satan "I am keeping my eyes on Jesus. So shut up! I don't believe your lies anymore!!!!!" WOO HOO!!!! FEELS SO GOOD GETTING ALL OF THIS STUFF OUT!!! I am feel like a new person!!!!:)
Please pray for me.
I PROMISE I WILL BE MORE CONSISTENT WITH MY BLOGGING!!!
Until next time........
Love,
Dana
